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The ‘incident’ that happened was innocent enough. At18, like most other boys, my hormones were raging and Istarted to notice hard-ons in the morning and then morefrequently as I started to think about girls. Myparents never talked to us about sex or the birds andbees so we were pretty much left to our own discoveriesand learning. I didn’t know anything aboutmasturbating… literally nothing. It was by accidentthat I noticed if I rubbed my penis while I laid facedown in my bed that it felt good. I actually didn’t learn about the ‘real’ way tomasturbate (stroking my cock with my hands) until Iwent to college. So, the way that I made it feel goodwas by moving in a fucking motion face down against mysheets and in my pajama bottoms (no underwear). Again,I didn’t know it was a fucking motion as I wascompletely inexperienced. I was a very late bloomercompared to my friends and I didn’t even start growinghair on my privates until I was. I had never had a lover since University. I had always hoped, always half expected that Jess would claim me. I knew at the same time that she never would but nobody came close, nobody else mattered in that way. Oh, of course I had had people to share my bed, to fuck, but that’s all it was. They always disappointed, always fell short. Only Jess would do. I smoked another cigarette then, feeling extremely silly and embarrassed walked slowly back towards the hotel. Tippi was standing on the path, the sun behind her and through the soft white cotton of her long skirt her legs were shadows. I couldn’t see her face. ‘I feel such a twat.’ She slipped her arm through mine and we walked like that towards the house. ‘We all knew how you feel about her. We always knew.’ I nodded, was that all I was capable of doing? Tippi stopped, restraining me with her gentle grip on my arm and turned me to face her. ‘You cant help how you feel. Nothing hurts like unrequited love but yours wasn’t unrequited,.
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